The countdown to death

I’ve thought of so many ways about how to start this blog. I’ve always tried to commit to blogs but never had anything really useful or memorable to write.

As I’m nearing 30 years old, I thought it’d be most appropriate to begin documenting my past and current life. My life has changed drastically in the past few years and I’ve learnt so much about myself that sometimes I honestly feel I was let down as a child.

I hope here is where I can feel safely vulnerable and recount traumatic things that have happened in my life that I probably haven’t really told anybody about, and where I can also share my personal learning and growth.

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27 is such a funny age. I feel like I can no longer enjoy the party life anymore because I just feel old. Drinking isn’t exciting and dancing in a club just feels like a status fuck party - being in a long term relationship doesn’t help either. I feel like I have this pressure to up my wifey points by acting a certain way, just to prove I can get a ring. Don’t care if that sentence didn’t even make sense because I’m high as fuck. 

I’m high almost every night because I have this insomnia that I can’t seem to fight. My ADHD medication keeps me up all night and I’ve also been playing new world with the girls. Reminds me of RuneScape. Anyway I am packed with mental illnesses and I’m not even close to old age yet. Can you imagine when I’m 55? I’d probably have A++++dementia if that could even be a thing. I have depression, anxiety, ADHD and potentially BPD (confirmed I don’t have bipolar). And again this goes back the beginning where I say that I was let down as a child. I feel like I’ve seen and heard and done things that a normal child would’ve gone through.

I’m getting quite sleepy now so I hope I can remember this and come back tomorrow when it’s 3am again.